Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
