He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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