Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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