Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
