After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
