I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
