ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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