Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
