I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
