is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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