i would punch a child for taco bell
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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