Michael Bay diarrhea
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What a dumb baby whore.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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