fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
