Ambien. No doubt about it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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