Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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