it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
