Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
