My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
