I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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