i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
