I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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