More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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