i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
