She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
