youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
