who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
