The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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