Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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