if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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