wanna go halves on a baby?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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