Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
