Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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