What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
