It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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