I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism