Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
operation have a gay friend backfired
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies