I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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