the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Houston, we have a blender
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Randomize
