My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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