There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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