you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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