I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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