Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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