my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
