he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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