i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you would pick up someone in the library
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
