So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize