I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
