I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
