You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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