So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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