my room smells like sperm. sweet.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
