you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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