ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
