My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I need a beard to bite.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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