I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
