Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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