why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Small penises have feelings too.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
