you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
