remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
