Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
