Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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