I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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