i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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