So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
