We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
