Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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