Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
