he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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