dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i will never coherently bang her
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
and you fell through a lawn chair
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
