Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
