Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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