Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
