that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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