my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
