It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
