I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
