I wanna bring you to show and tell
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
