Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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