I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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