My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My liver just had a heart attack.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
