dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
