hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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