I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I am puke
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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