I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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