Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
