rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
