I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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